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The question I would like to discuss with you today is “Should I be more friendly?” Yes, sometimes we question ourselves whether we can be more friendly or not. That is the fact. It is a simple act of caring about what other people think about us. In a world where kindness and unity are seen as ideal, each one of us is expected to be nice and friendly towards one another. However, as we may have known by now, characters are built and developed from different blocks in life, which are all unique to every single human being. Friendliness is not a single character, but it is rather a sense that other people feel when we demonstrate multiple complementary characters.

However, if we have to put a definite name on it, usually friendliness is strongly correlated with agreeableness, which has now become a highly utilized term in personality studies. A research by Konrad Bresin and Michael Robinson in Journal of Personality shows that high scorers on the personality trait of agreeableness are eager to please, concerned for others, and compliant to other perspectives. On average, they live happier lives too. And it suggests a possible reason: when they have the chance, friendly people tend to avoid engaging with negative things. Now we know why people love them, right?

So how can I know if I’m friendly enough? Well, the first thing that I would strongly recommend you to do is take a personality test – especially if you haven’t done so before. Some people may argue about its validity but I won’t go into that for now. The reason why I recommended you to do it, is to at least help you put a quantitative view on your friendliness metric. Because when we are talking about the human dynamic, there is no one size fits all. You can drive yourself crazy overthinking this question over and over again trying to find an answer, while it’s all relative and vague in its nature. So, you can start by laying some foundations. Take a test and get a score. Examine the result and determine whether you are classified into a friendly person according to the test alone.

Now after you are aware of your position in the friendliness scale, you can then proceed to finding the action points. And here’s where we usually get it wrong. The objective is not to change who you are, but rather to bring balance should the situation demands. Don’t try to change your behavior by learning how to be a friendly person and fake it until you make it. That can be done, but not necessarily sustainable in the long run. Instead, I would suggest you listing down situations where you and others would benefit if you could just be a little more friendly. Get it? So what if you are not the most friendly person in the world? Just make sure that your unfriendliness doesn’t drag you down during the important situations in your life.

In this episode, I won’t bore you and list out all the things you have to do to be more friendly. I believe there are already tons of materials out there to help you do so. But, there is one piece of fact that I can share based on my observation – a fact that is not much acknowledged yet, but can act as a great tip to start. Being friendly has a lot to do with being patient. Do you realize how hard it is to find someone who just clicks with you? The chances are small. That means, most of the time, the people you meet will have their own differences and traits that may or may not suit you. So how come some people can still get the conversation going and show friendly interest towards someone who is just too different, or even, annoying? It is because they are patient. Rather than showing sudden rejection and walking away, friendly people give time. They listen and they accommodate as long as they can handle. That level of patience is the one that makes a difference. So when you are in a situation where you would really benefit from being more friendly, even though you are not, you can start by cranking up your patience level towards others. It can really show a significant impact towards your overall perceived friendliness.

So, are you ready to be more friendly? I would love to hear what you think! Shoot me an email at Or, connect with me through my website in, my Twitter in @lifeforexperts, or my Instagram in @lifeforexpert without the letter “s” at the end.

Thank you for trusting Life For Experts. Never stop learning to become an expert in life. I’m Dannis, and I will see you next time. Bye!


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